Black, White and Gray
by kouri
Summary: Oneshot - Amon's POV about Robin. Just what are his feelings for Robin? Take a look to find out! Spoilers for Ep 15


Disclaimer: WHR does not belong to me, much as I would like to get my grubby fingers on Amon :p

A/N: You've seen Robin's POV about Amon, now see Amon's POV on Robin! Spoilers for episode 15 and all the eps before it. Lots of indepth thinking on Amon's side and some OOCness I figure, considering that Amon is such a silent git, and never shows what he feels. *sigh* Anyways, hope you enjoy it! Thanks to all the readers who reviewed my Robin POV one! If you haven't read it, then go have a look =) It's called "Fixation on You"

** Black, White and Gray**

The sound of feet pounding on the ground reverberates above us as my fingers depress the barely used buttons, pressing in the key codes to the supposedly hidden basement doors. I can practically feel the shock radiating off you in waves; I need not turn around to see that, and time is running short for me and you. Although I should be the one who is truly shocked…never have I gone against orders before, be it while hunting missions, or even when I was asked by Zaizen to hunt Kate down. 

But I don't understand why I can't do the same for you. Why can I not just look at you as another witch whom I have to hunt, then send off to the factory and just end the story? Why do I act different towards you? Why on earth have I disobeyed orders and for god's sake, _why am I helping you_?! It feels as if someone else is residing in my body; a stranger is in control, and I am only back on the sidelines, helpless, watching. But this is not the case, and I cannot deny it. 

I cannot deny this unexplainable need to help you, even when I cannot understand it. The door opens and we rush down the stairs, even as you call my name and I tell you that there is not time left; we must hurry if you have to escape. My fingers nudge the switch hidden in the metal and I pull down the handle, revealing the buttons of the code box. My body works on autopilot, even though my mind is wandering all over the place.

It's wondering all about you.

How did you do it? How did you manage to get under my skin, this barrier that I put up around myself, to keep people away from me, to prevent myself from being hurt again, to be totally isolated from everyone else? You are a person of little words, but somehow…someway, you've gotten to me. For once after that time, I actually give a damn about someone else other than myself. Touko was never able to do that; I don't think I'd even be able to call that a relationship, what we had…was it even a friendship? It seemed to be something of convenience; I held her far away from me, just as I have always done. I called her up one night, even though I was supposed to be thinking about a case that was similar to one of ours which occurred two years ago. I told her that I should have been thinking about the case, but all I could think about was her.

True. I was thinking of her welfare. That she shouldn't be involved with me while I showed no emotions, saw her rarely, held nothing but trivial conversations with her. She shouldn't be with someone like me, who doesn't miss her presence when she's not there, who only calls on a whim, and rarely, and who is so isolated from the world that he can't even open up to her. 

She shouldn't be with someone who seemed to be more caring about her _roommate_ than her.

I never really thought about it, the things that I did while I was around you, for you, but she seemed to know, understand that I was moving away from her…

Towards you.

Why do your eyes show such emotion towards me? Why are they filled with unfallen tears that make your eyes glimmer in the rays of the sun? Why do you _feel_…so much? I lost my emotions a long time ago…and having them come to the surface so suddenly overwhelms me completely. No matter how much I try, I just can't think of you as a Witch, like the ones that we hunt, but if this is so, then why have you cast a spell over me? Why, after so long have I started caring for someone who I barely know and associate with for the past 3 months? How do you do this to me?

I have absolutely no idea what on earth my feelings for you are…I can't even begin to discern one thing from another; I have never been this confused throughout the 25 years of my life. The question keeps coming back again and again; I remember Touko's question as it replays in my mind over and over, haunting me like a malicious ghost. It is a question that I haven't found an answer to…at least, not yet.

_ "Are you in love with her?"_

I brushed it off as nonsense, telling her off and telling her to stop being so ridiculous. I think she knew something that I didn't, saw it before me even before I knew. To tell the truth, the question had completely caught me off-guard. I would never have thought that she'd ask such a thing, and to be so point-blank. I had no answer for her then, just as I have no answer for her now.

Just as I have no answer for myself.

The one word, 'sorry' can't even begin to elaborate the wrongs I had done her; I said it to the pane of glass that separated her from me as she lay breathing with the aid of an oxygen tank. There is nothing more I have to say to her. I think she loved me, just a fair bit…maybe.

Not once had I loved her back. Touko was just slightly closer to me than my colleagues were, and I think that counted for something, but that something wasn't enough to make me love her. 

If only everything were that easily black and white. There would be no problems, no trouble, no confusion, no hurt, no pain, no difficult choices.

Maybe there wouldn't even be a you, Robin. Because you are neither black or white.

You are gray, a mixture of the two colours, just as you are a human, and also a Craft-user.

It is all I can do not to bite back a gasp of wonder as the sunlight serves as the background for your silhouette through the hole you have made in the wall. From this point of view, you look like a bold goddess, back against the light, somewhat petite, but with a strength that underlies it all. Your eyes are beseeching as they search mine for an answer; I wonder to myself, what will you find there? 

"Do you trust me Amon?" I cannot give you an answer, because I ponder this myself. I avoid the question, and tell you instead, of what I should have been doing, but have not done.

"Zaizen sent me to capture you." Your green eyes widen slightly. "But I cannot think of you as a Witch." This much is the truth. I hear the sound of an explosion again, there isn't much time left for us. Guiding you to the uncovered well, I urge you to climb down the ladder to it, wondering what is on your mind. Has your perception of me changed? Are you wondering why I would be helping you when all you have seen me do is ruthlessly hunt down Witches? 

I jump down into the well beside you, tucking the piece of paper with Nagira's address on it into your hair. My hand lingers amongst the golden strands for a while more as I spare not more than a second to notice just how close our faces are to touching. This close to you, I can see your eyes and just how much of you they encompass. The flecks of gold in your forest-green eyes add to your beauty and I see innocence, apprehension, wisdom and – are my eyes tricking me? – 

I see _love_. It makes my heart skip a beat suddenly and I pull myself out of my trance.

"If something happens to me, find that person." I find my way up again and press the switch to close opening to the dried up well. The stone slab screeches slightly as it starts to draw across the well and I watch you reaching up for me. Desperation has been born in there as you try to reach the switch to no avail, and the shiny glimmer of tears start to fill your eyes. Your actions make me feel like smiling, but I refrain from it.

"Amon!" The stone slab has almost slid close now. An unbidden sentence leaps from my lips.

"The next time we meet, Robin…!"

There is a resounding endless thud as the slab completely seals the well away from underneath, and my sentence is broken off.

The next time we meet I'll…what? Inwardly I curse at myself; this is getting nowhere at all. Then the answer seems to ring clearly in my mind.

The next time we meet…I'll let her know my feelings for her. It suddenly seems so clear now.

I'll tell her that, I somehow…I somehow…

**I love her**.

I spin around as the footsteps of SOLOMON's troops come closer, pulling my Orbo gun smoothly out of its holster and managing to get a few shots in before the bullets lodge into me; they are many, and I am only one. I fall backwards as my body touches the cold asphalt, my fingers releasing the gun, eyes wide at the commotion going around me as the torch light shines into my eyes. My thoughts are already somewhere else.

My thoughts have flown to you, Robin Sena. Are you safe and sound? The strength seems to flow out of my body. The pain isn't much; plastic bullets must have been used instead, but they still have the force of normal bullets, even if they do not kill. My mind is slowly blacking out and only one thought, one image fills my mind.

Robin.

Robin.

Robin…

It wasn't a Hunt…

Robin…

The world fades to black.

A/N: Good? No? Drop a review to let me know! ^^


End file.
